Your dad touched me again.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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