Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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