I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
