Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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