He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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