my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Fuck appropriateness.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
