We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
