By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
