Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
the liver wants what the liver wants
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
