I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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