During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
