After last night, I could never be a politician.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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