so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
