I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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