So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
