there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
