so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
ttyl tear gas
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
