I'll bet she douches with gravy.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
