i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
