I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
