Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize