chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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