He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
