batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
