I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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