Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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