Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
