boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
