Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My breasts were aching with rage.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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