Just fell off a train. Bad.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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