Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
