Sponge bath it is.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
