My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
