Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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