So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
