So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
