I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
