i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How drunk are you?
Completed.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
