I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
