If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
