idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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