Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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