When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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