I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
