i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
