laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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