dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
