I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
