i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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