but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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