Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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