you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
