like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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