He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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