I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize