I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
