Please, let me fuck your mom
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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