so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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