dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
