her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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