I think im going to throw up on grandma
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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