You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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