dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
