my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
