I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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