Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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