last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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