The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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