I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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