i don't like sucking hair
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
time to smoke my breakfast
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
